when the world gets dark

all but memories

2011-10-22T01:48:00.003+08:00

"all of these lines across my face
tell you the story of who i am
so many stories of where i've been
and how I got to where i am"

brandi carlile's the story

does your face tell stories of the places you've been? do you remember all the things that you've done or all the dreams you've had? can you recall every experience that caused your heart to cry?

i'm not sure my face tells of the places i've been nor the fabulous people that i've met to make me who i am today, to mold the life i lead today. as much as i want to remember half of what i did, i can't hold onto the 'lives' i've led in the past.

but that's why that's the past and today is the present, ain't it?

i fell in love with the city that never sleeps when i first set foot on that busy stone pavement. i adore all the dear friends i've made all along the way and there's nothing i can say or do that'll do justice to how they've influenced the me that i am today.

but all that's history. it's history that will never leave us. good and bad, it's a part of us that can't be taken away nor repeated. but it's history that we can be forgiven for.

forgiveness. something that can be asked for.

history. a past that can be forgiven for.

memories. a part of our stories that we can learn from.

"ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you," matthew 7:7.

even when you turned from Him, when your heart had gone cold, when He is not on your mind, He was there, is here and will always be next you. at times when you feel like the world around you has left you, whisper the name Jesus and let Him in. He'll 'fix' you.

the day the world went crashing down

2011-09-11T17:59:00.014+08:00

in manhattan.

today ten years ago still runs fresh in my memory.

september 11, 2001.

a message popped up on my screen just as i'd come back from my 9am class. my high school friend asked me 'can you see the twin towers from where you are?!' and i's like 'what twin towers? you do know i'm not in KL anymore right? i'm in new york.'

and that was how i learned of that fateful day. i turned on the tv in the living and every single channel was reporting every second of the tragic events as they unfolded.

even with my eyes glued to the tv, at the back of my mind, i couldn't help but think that this isn't really happening. even though i was a good six hours away from the city, i felt like it was happening right before my eyes.

tears streaming from bloodshot eyes on grey ash-smeared faces crying out for help. scenes of rescue workers helping whoever they could. churches packed with people who didn't know where else to turn to for help.

that day pretty much left me baffled and speechless. it did that to a lot of us. i can still feel the silence that fell on my campus. a piercing silence that carried with it a heavy dose of unfathomable sorrow, severe helplessness and a loss of hope.

lives lost that day, heroes who put others before themselves later lost their own struggling battles to live. all that really happened.

conspiracy or not, lives of victims and heroes were unnecessarily cut short. families were torn apart. children were orphaned in a split second. they are the ones we the living should honor and remember today.

remembering the lost. honoring what once was.

image via agile scout

come back, time. can you?

2011-08-10T15:06:00.006+08:00

what makes a fabulous day?

as i went around asking friends this question, the answers were not quite what i was expecting. some answers require a little more energy. some take a little more traveling. but most were so simple and doable.

at first, i was disappointed with the 'easy' answers but as i went on, i came to understand that it was the simple things that mean the most today. in a world where 24 hours is not enough to do everything, where instant becomes everyone's middle name, we barely have the time to slow down and appreciate the less complicated.

but as we are busy trying so hard to spend every waking minute doing everything we can, the minute that just went past will never come back. time lost is never found again.

and i've lost 5 years that i'll never find again. sounds like a really long time, doesn't it? and it is a long time. but had i not realized it now, i probably would've lost yet another 5 years.

so i'm going to try this. to take a little time out of each day (as little as a few minutes) to enjoy the little things in life. as cliche as it sounds, it's time to stop and smell the roses because life's happening even when you're too busy to notice.

won't you join me?

to the friend who wants to see me in singapore, the day will definitely come. in the meantime, you know i love you guys to bits.

to the friend who wants to see the day her daughter chases the dog around, she grows up a little more every day, so fast that before you know it, we can't catch up with her anymore.

to the friends who want the stay-at-home time, make it a point. set aside time. read to your heart's content. try a new recipe. anything.

to you who wants to see the sunrise, sunset and stars with a rainbow thrown in, until that day comes, look up and you'll see His beautiful creations. no matter how bad we've destroyed the earth, the way the heavens look is something we mere humans can never destroy. it still takes my breath away. every. single. time.

to you who wants to climb the mountain, you who yearns to come home and to everyone else, where there's a will, there's always a way.

my fabulous day: to see the world through His eyes. to see humanity as good deserving a second chance but as weak needing help. that at the end of the day, i can say 'i've done my job.'

of course, easier said than done, i do not doubt. but with a little of that i-couldn't-be-bothered attitude, some determination and a whole lot of faith, we can appreciate today for what it is: a present. from the one and only who created life and everything else.

a light flickers

2011-07-03T16:12:00.006+08:00

jun: your light flicker and flicker then gone. what is this?!

yen: sorry. no time. too busy.

to make a vow was too serious. to vow not to stop this again, i wasn't ready to be that serious.

someone else: who blogs these days? everyone's on facebook.

but the feeling's different. you might possibly be talking a stranger halfway around the world who has never seen your face nor heard your voice and yet your words might just tug a heartstring and move something in his or her heart that they never knew was there.

so here i am, trying to start over again. how long i can keep this up again, i can't really tell. but maybe i'll try harder this time.

reality slammed me down for more than 5 years now. for more than 1,825 days, day by day literally flew past before i could even grasp what was going on. and before i knew it, it is now 5 years later.

one thing i never wanted myself to forget but somehow life got the better of me: 開心不開心, 人生還是一樣要過, 不如就開心的過. (literally translated, happy or sad, life goes on regardless. so might as well live happily).

won't you choose to live happily?